public static void main(String[] args) is dead

As of September 16th, year of our lord 2025, this is no longer the first Java program you need to write.

public class Main {
    public static void main(String[] args) {
        Scanner scanner = new Scanner(System.in);
        System.out.print("What is your name? ");
        String name = scanner.nextLine();
        System.out.println("Hello, " + name);
    }
}

This is.

void main() {
    var name = IO.readln("What is your name? ");
    IO.println("Hello, " + name);
}

Good Fucking Riddance.

I'll be nuanced later, we've all earned some catharsis now.

Holy fucking shit did this suck¹. There is a comments section below. Give your eulogy for that piece of shit sorcerous incantation there or wherever else.

new Scanner(System.in) and System.out.println too. Don't let your sense of dignity hold you back.

Just record yourself giving a guttural scream and post it. Sing a song, do a dance, cast aspersions.

Honestly just let it all out.

1: When I was a Freshman in High School I asked a Junior what it meant. He had no clue.

That Junior later went on to drop out of college and become a Minecraft Youtuber. I vividly remember him making videos where he and his girlfriend pretend to be toddlers in a Minecraft day-care. What a life.

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